a couple funnies

[fishwitch44]

One morning a man came into the church on crutches.
He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs,
and then threw away his crutches.

An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory
to tell the priest what he'd just seen.

"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said.
"Tell me where is this man now?"

"Flat on his ass over by the holy water," said the boy.


Two Jewish men, Sid and Al were sitting in a Mexican restaurant.
"Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in Mexico?"
"I don't know," Sid replied. Why don't we ask the waiter?

When the waiter came by, Al asked him "Are there any Mexican Jews?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went
into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and
said, "No, sir, no Mexican Jews." "Are you sure?" Al asked. "I will
check again, sir, the waiter replied and went back into the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Sid said,
"I cannot believe there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are
scattered everywhere."

When the waiter returned, he said, "Sir, no Mexican Jews! "
Are you really sure? Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are
no Mexican Jews."
"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have
orange Jews, apple Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever
hear of Mexican Jews!"


This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife says, "Where are you going?"
He said, "I'm going to the doctor."
And she said, "Are you sick?"
No" he said, "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."
So his wife gets out of her rocker and puts on her coat.
He said, " Where are you going?"
She said, "I'm going to the doctor too."
He said, "why?"
She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing,
I'm going to get a tetanus shot


A lady was in a hardware store looking at a fishing
poles. She asked
the store manager how much it was he said "I am blind
drop it on the
ground and i'll tell ya. She dropped it on the
ground."Aahh that's
$10.00."
She bent down and let a big fart that everyone heard.
But, she really
wanted the pole so she picked it up. And went to pay
for it.
"That will be $20.00"
"But you said $10.00"
"$10.00 extra for the stink bait and duck call."