heres a few to take the cold away

[fishwitch44]

Two rednecks were drinking beer and joy-riding when they spotted two
Hispanic hitch-hikers at the side of the road. Zeke says to Jake,

"Why don't we give those yahoos a scare? Act like you're going to run
off the road and hit them"

Jake agrees and swerves in their direction, but he's had too much to
drink and ran right over them. They both said,

"Oh well, tough luck", and continued on their way.

A little while later, Jake says to Zeke,

"I wonder where those guys were going?"

Without hesitation, Zeke replied

"Florida".

Jake asked him how he knew that and Jakes response was,

"Right after you hit them, I clearly heard one of them say something
about Sunny Beaches"


A mountain woman went to the doctor and was told to go home and come
back in a couple of days with a specimen. When she got home she asks
her husband, "What is a specimen?"
He replies. "Hell if I know. Go next door and ask Edith. She's a nurse"

The woman goes next door and comes back in about twenty minutes with
her clothes all torn and with multiple cuts and bruises on her face
and body. "What in the world happened?" asked her husband.
"Damn if I know," she replies. "I asked Edith what a specimen was and
she told me to go piss in a bottle. I told her to go poop in her hat
and then all hell broke loose.


A young Japanese girl had been taught all her life, that when she
married she was to please her husband and never upset him.
So the first morning of her honeymoon, when the young Japanese bride
crawled out of bed after making love and she stooped down to pick up
her husband's clothes, she accidentally lets wind.

She looked up and said: "Excuse please, front hole so happy
back hole laugh out loud."


You must use an Italian accent for this joke to work:

One Day Ima go to Detroit to a Bigga Otel, I go down to eata breakfast,

I tella waitress, I wanna two pisses of toast. She brings me only one
piss.
I tella her I wanta two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say to her
you no understand, I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you better not

piss on the plate you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and
she calla me a sonna ma bitch.

Later I go to eats lunch at drake restaurant. The waitress bringa me a
spoon anda knife but no fock. I tella her, I wanna fock. She tella me
everybody wanna fock. I tella her you no understand, I wanna fock on
the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna Ma
bitch.

So I go back to my room inna Otel, and there's no sheet on my bed. I
calla the manager anna tella him I wanna sheet. He tells me to go to
the toilet.
So I say, you no understand, I wanna sheet on my bed. He say you better
not sheet on the bed you sonna ma bitch.

I go to check out anda the man at the desk say. Peace to you, I say
Piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch.

I go back to Italy.

[Joe_G]