PencilPlugger
07-08-2004, 02:07 PM
Washington D.C. - Congress today announced that the Office of President of
the United States will be outsourced to overseas as of June 30, the end of
this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K a year in salary, a
record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.
"The cost savings will be quite significant" says Congressman Adam Smith
(D-Wash) who, with the aid of the Congressional research arm, the General
Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively.
"We simply can no longer afford this level of outlay and remain competitive
in the world stage," said Congressman Smith. Exporting American jobs has
been an increasingly popular trend lately, ironically at the urging of
President Bush.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the termination of his
position. He will receive health ocverage, expenses and salary until his
final day of employment. After that, with a two week waiting period, he will
then be eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment insurance for 13
weeks. Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state Medicaid health
insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits are over the required limit.
"I'm in shock," Mr. Bush stated. "I thought for sure I'd have some job
security around this here place. I have no idea what I'll do now," he
further lamented.
Preparations have been underway for some time for the job move. Sanji
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be assuming the
Office of President of the United States as of July 1. Mr. Singh was born in
the United States while his parents were here on student visas, thus making
him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 USD a month
but with no health coverage or other benefits. Due to the time difference
between the US and India, Mr. Singh will be working primarily at night, when
offices of the US Government will be open. "I am excited to serve in this
position," Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive interview. "Working nights will
let me keep my day job at the American Express call center. I always knew I
could be President someday."
Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional
Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to
follow which will allow him to respond to most topics of concern. The
Spokesperson further noted that "additional savings will be realized as
these scripting tools have already been used previously by Mr. Bush here in
the US.
Such scripts will enable Mr. Singh to provide an answer without having to
fully understand the issue itself."
Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including that
of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions. At a quickly called late
night session Congress did pass legislation excluding all Congressional
positions from consideration for outsourcing.
"It is essential that some authority remain present within the United States
to oversee this important ourtsourcing initiative", said Congresswoman
Leslie Nurabi (D-NY).
the United States will be outsourced to overseas as of June 30, the end of
this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K a year in salary, a
record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.
"The cost savings will be quite significant" says Congressman Adam Smith
(D-Wash) who, with the aid of the Congressional research arm, the General
Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively.
"We simply can no longer afford this level of outlay and remain competitive
in the world stage," said Congressman Smith. Exporting American jobs has
been an increasingly popular trend lately, ironically at the urging of
President Bush.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the termination of his
position. He will receive health ocverage, expenses and salary until his
final day of employment. After that, with a two week waiting period, he will
then be eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment insurance for 13
weeks. Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state Medicaid health
insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits are over the required limit.
"I'm in shock," Mr. Bush stated. "I thought for sure I'd have some job
security around this here place. I have no idea what I'll do now," he
further lamented.
Preparations have been underway for some time for the job move. Sanji
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be assuming the
Office of President of the United States as of July 1. Mr. Singh was born in
the United States while his parents were here on student visas, thus making
him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 USD a month
but with no health coverage or other benefits. Due to the time difference
between the US and India, Mr. Singh will be working primarily at night, when
offices of the US Government will be open. "I am excited to serve in this
position," Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive interview. "Working nights will
let me keep my day job at the American Express call center. I always knew I
could be President someday."
Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional
Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to
follow which will allow him to respond to most topics of concern. The
Spokesperson further noted that "additional savings will be realized as
these scripting tools have already been used previously by Mr. Bush here in
the US.
Such scripts will enable Mr. Singh to provide an answer without having to
fully understand the issue itself."
Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including that
of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions. At a quickly called late
night session Congress did pass legislation excluding all Congressional
positions from consideration for outsourcing.
"It is essential that some authority remain present within the United States
to oversee this important ourtsourcing initiative", said Congresswoman
Leslie Nurabi (D-NY).