Ed Michrina
07-06-2004, 02:28 PM
Quickies
> > > >
> > > >Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
> > > >values.
> > > >Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
> > > >Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name.?"
> > > >
> > > >A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my
> > > >intelligence come from?"
> > > >The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother,
> > > >because I still have mine"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court
> > > >Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"
> > > >"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now
>>>>>and then
> > > >I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I
>>>>> don't like the looks of your wife at all."
> > > >"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and
>>>>> really good with the kids."
> > > >
> > > >An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he
>>>>> has been living with for the last 40 years.
> > > >The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
> >>>> that were used to put the curse on you.
> > > >The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
> > > >
> > > >More Quickies...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
> > > >1. All the DNA is the same.
> > > >2. There are no dental records.
> > > >
> > > >A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll
> > > >take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
> > > >The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
> > > >"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
> > > >__________________________________________________ ______
> > > >Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
> > > >"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
> > > >"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
> > > >"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
> > > >I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
> > > >__________________________________________________ ______
> > > >The investigation of Martha Stewart continues. Her recipe for chicken
> > > >casserole is quite efficient. First you boil the chicken in water.
>>>>> And then you dump the stock.
> > > >__________________________________________________ ______
> > > >This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing
> > > >the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of
> > > >him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"
> > > >The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by
> > > >buying me a drink."
> > > >__________________________________________________ ______
> > > >Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
> > > >Joe: "Really?"
> > > >Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
> > > >__________________________________________________ ______
> > > >A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
> > > >"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in
> > > >surgery," he answered.
> > > >"What did he say," asked the nurse.
> > > >"OOPS!"
> > > >__________________________________________________ _____
> > > >While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display
>>>>> of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I
> >>>> had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's
>>>>> advice.
> > > >"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
> > > >"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
> > > >__________________________________________________ ______
> > > >Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn
> > > >by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
> > > >He said, "I did that by accident."
> > > >She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."
> > > >He replied, "How did you know?"
> > > >She said, "Because you didn't say '*****hole' afterwards."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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> > > >
> > > >Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
> > > >values.
> > > >Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
> > > >Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name.?"
> > > >
> > > >A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my
> > > >intelligence come from?"
> > > >The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother,
> > > >because I still have mine"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court
> > > >Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"
> > > >"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now
>>>>>and then
> > > >I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I
>>>>> don't like the looks of your wife at all."
> > > >"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and
>>>>> really good with the kids."
> > > >
> > > >An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he
>>>>> has been living with for the last 40 years.
> > > >The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
> >>>> that were used to put the curse on you.
> > > >The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
> > > >
> > > >More Quickies...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
> > > >1. All the DNA is the same.
> > > >2. There are no dental records.
> > > >
> > > >A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll
> > > >take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
> > > >The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
> > > >"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
> > > >__________________________________________________ ______
> > > >Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
> > > >"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
> > > >"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
> > > >"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
> > > >I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
> > > >__________________________________________________ ______
> > > >The investigation of Martha Stewart continues. Her recipe for chicken
> > > >casserole is quite efficient. First you boil the chicken in water.
>>>>> And then you dump the stock.
> > > >__________________________________________________ ______
> > > >This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing
> > > >the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of
> > > >him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"
> > > >The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by
> > > >buying me a drink."
> > > >__________________________________________________ ______
> > > >Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
> > > >Joe: "Really?"
> > > >Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
> > > >__________________________________________________ ______
> > > >A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
> > > >"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in
> > > >surgery," he answered.
> > > >"What did he say," asked the nurse.
> > > >"OOPS!"
> > > >__________________________________________________ _____
> > > >While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display
>>>>> of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I
> >>>> had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's
>>>>> advice.
> > > >"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
> > > >"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
> > > >__________________________________________________ ______
> > > >Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn
> > > >by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
> > > >He said, "I did that by accident."
> > > >She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."
> > > >He replied, "How did you know?"
> > > >She said, "Because you didn't say '*****hole' afterwards."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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