DaYoop
02-04-2004, 10:48 PM
>
>
> >
> > 1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
> > bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
> >
> >>
> >
> > 2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
> > section in a swimming pool?
> >
> >>
> >
> > 3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the
> > Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the
> > Tennessee Titans?
> >
> > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> >
> >
> > 4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one
> > enjoys it?
> >
> >> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> >
> >
> > 5. There are three religious truths:
> > a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
> > b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
> > faith.
> > c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at
> Hooters.
> >
> >
> > 6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
> Holland
> > called Holes?
> >
> >> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> >
> > 7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
> >
> >>
> >
> > 8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
> >
> >
> >
> > 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
> > bread to begin with?
> >
> >
> > 10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
> > drives a racecar is not called a racist?
> >
> >
> > 11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
> >
> >>
> >
> > 12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
> > that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,cowboys deranged,
> > models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
> >
> >>
> > 13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
> >
> >>
> >
> > 14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
> >
> >
> > 15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
> >
> >>
> >
> > 16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
> more
> > as they get older; then it dawned on me ....they're cramming for their
> final
> > exam.
> >
> >>
> > 17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
> > and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?
> >
> >>
> > 18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
> are
> > we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures
> on
> > the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the
> > mail?
> >
> >>
> >
> > 19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
> the
> > others here for?
> >
> >>
> > 20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
> >
> >>
> >
> > 21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
> >
> > 22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
> >
> >
> > 23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
> >
> > 1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
> > bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
> >
> >>
> >
> > 2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
> > section in a swimming pool?
> >
> >>
> >
> > 3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the
> > Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the
> > Tennessee Titans?
> >
> > *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> >
> >
> > 4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one
> > enjoys it?
> >
> >> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> >
> >
> > 5. There are three religious truths:
> > a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
> > b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
> > faith.
> > c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at
> Hooters.
> >
> >
> > 6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
> Holland
> > called Holes?
> >
> >> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> >
> > 7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
> >
> >>
> >
> > 8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
> >
> >
> >
> > 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
> > bread to begin with?
> >
> >
> > 10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
> > drives a racecar is not called a racist?
> >
> >
> > 11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
> >
> >>
> >
> > 12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
> > that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,cowboys deranged,
> > models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
> >
> >>
> > 13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
> >
> >>
> >
> > 14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
> >
> >
> > 15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
> >
> >>
> >
> > 16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
> more
> > as they get older; then it dawned on me ....they're cramming for their
> final
> > exam.
> >
> >>
> > 17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
> > and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?
> >
> >>
> > 18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
> are
> > we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures
> on
> > the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the
> > mail?
> >
> >>
> >
> > 19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
> the
> > others here for?
> >
> >>
> > 20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
> >
> >>
> >
> > 21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
> >
> > 22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
> >
> >
> > 23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>