Another Blond joke......

[DaveW731]

Not exactly LMAO quality, but not bad either:

Q: What is the mating call of a Blond?






A: "How big is your paycheck?"

[prettyntuff]

Why are most blonde jokes so short?





So men can remember the punch line! ;)

[Craig M]

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor "No, from skipping." replied the blonde

[prettyntuff]

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast
because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with? Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds, "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and
says, "Hmmmm... the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer... wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it ... it's TRUE!
The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

[Craig M]

Two blondes were walking through the woods and came upon a set of tracks. One blonde said that they were deer tracks. The other blonde said that they were moose tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit 'em.

[prettyntuff]

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? ..- "Is it mine?"


Why do blondes drive BMW's?
It's the only car they can spell.


There are 2 women carpooling to work. The brunette gets in the driver's seat and the blonde gets in the passenger's seat. The brunette says, "We're late, so you watch out the back window for cops." As she speeds down the road she asks the blonde, "So, do you see any cops?"
The blonde replies, "Yes."
The brunette says, "Are they behind us?"
The blonde again replies "Yes."
"Are they close?" asks the brunette.
Again the blonde replies "Yes."
The worried brunette asks, "Are they going to stop us?"
The blondes only response is a confused "I don't know."
The brunette says, "Well, are their lights on?"
The blonde replies, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes."

[Craig M]

I got hundreds of these.... Keep 'em rolling! :D

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving." Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?" Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."





BLONDE GIRL'S BLONDE HUSBAND ...
A blond guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's going on here?' he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy!, Uncle Ted's hiding in your wardrobe closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor. "You IDIOT!!!," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked and scaring the kids!"

[prettyntuff]

A blonde tells her husband one day, "I'm bored! I need a new hobby." So the husband takes her to the store and buys her a puzzle. Six months later, after working on it in all her free time, she runs to her husband, "Honey! I finally finished my puzzle! I must be really smart, huh?" The husband says, "Well, it DID take you 6 months!" The blonde replies, "Yeah, but the box said 3 to 6 YEARS!"

[Craig M]

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!” The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!” Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it’s back, and frustrated, shouts, “Darn, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”

[prettyntuff]

A blonde started a new job in a big office building. She got on the
elevator, which already had a male employee in it.
She decided to be friendly, smiled at the man and said "TGIF."

The man responded "*****."

Thinking that maybe she didn't hear him right, the blonde again said "TGIF."

Again, the man replied "*****."

The blonde had had enough. She siad "I'm just trying to be friendly. There's no need to cuss at me. I'm trying to say TGIF: 'Thank Goodness It's Friday."

The man replied "*****: Sorry, Honey. It's Thursday."

[Craig M]

So there's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are on the other side."

[prettyntuff]

How many blondes does it take to make chocloate chip cookies?

six - one to make the dough and five to peel the M&M 's


Why did the blonde climb over the chain link fence? She wanted to see what was on the other side.

What do you call a brunette standing between two blondes? Stuck in a wind tunnel.

[Craig M]

This blonde lady gets married and has nine children. After she has the ninth child her husband dies. So after about a year she remarries and has eleven children. After she has the eleventh child her husband dies. A few months later the blonde dies of a heart attack. At the funeral the priest says "Now they are finally together" One of the children stands up and says "Who my dad and my mom or their dad and my mom?" The priest looks at the child and says "No, her legs"

[prettyntuff]

LMAO!!!

Why was the blonde's belly button bruised?
Her boyfriend is a blonde too!

A blonde was driving down a country road one day and notices in the middle of a large field another blonde in a row boat just paddling going nowhere.

The blonde in the car, enraged, pulled over,got out of her car, ran to the edge of the field and stood up on the fence rail.

Screaming at the blonde in the boat "What the heck are you doing? It's blondes like you who give us all bad names! If I could swim I would come out there and kick your butt"

[Craig M]

Me too!

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great good fortune........the Walmart manager sees her and shuts the horse off.

[prettyntuff]

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on all channels, and a K-9 Dog squad unit was patrolling nearby, and was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, then stopped short and stared in disbelief. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,
"I come home to find all my possessions missing. I call the police to help me find them, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman!"

[Craig M]

This was probably originally a blonde joke.

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong. "I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight. The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says, "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."

[prettyntuff]

I always chuckle when I hear that one.

Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

How do you keep a blonde from going anywhere?
Put her in a circle drive.

What do you call a couple of blondes in the freezer?
Frosted flakes!

How can you tell if a blonde has been working at your computer?
There is White-Out all over the computer screen!

Craig, it was fun, but I gotta go! It's too nice of a day to stay indoors!

[Craig M]

Ok, ok, ok... My last one for a bit. My side is hurting from laughing!

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car." "Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

[hangoo]

how do you kill a blonde?











put a scratch n' sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool!!