Huntin Horseman
04-29-2003, 10:21 AM
TOP MORONS OF THE YEAR
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months,
saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received
a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not
Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours
attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded
himself inside his home. After firing 10 tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was
standing beside them in the police line, shouting,
"Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped
a motorist and forced him to drive to 2 different
automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper
proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank
accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and
asked for all the money in the cash drawer.
Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the
store clerk and worked the counter himself for 3
hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
suspect who just couldn't control himself during a
lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup
to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll
shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was
arrested for trying to holdup a Bank of America branch
without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to
simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep
his hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)
7. THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the
high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California,
some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No
matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their
brand new 22 foot boat going. It was very sluggish in
almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was
applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go,
they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there
could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside
check revealed everything in perfect working
condition. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up
and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to
check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was
laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE ...Under
the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the
trailer.
Does any one else find it frightening that the
majority of these took place in California????
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months,
saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received
a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not
Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours
attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded
himself inside his home. After firing 10 tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was
standing beside them in the police line, shouting,
"Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped
a motorist and forced him to drive to 2 different
automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper
proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank
accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and
asked for all the money in the cash drawer.
Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the
store clerk and worked the counter himself for 3
hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
suspect who just couldn't control himself during a
lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup
to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll
shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was
arrested for trying to holdup a Bank of America branch
without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to
simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep
his hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)
7. THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the
high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California,
some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No
matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their
brand new 22 foot boat going. It was very sluggish in
almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was
applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go,
they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there
could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside
check revealed everything in perfect working
condition. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up
and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to
check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was
laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE ...Under
the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the
trailer.
Does any one else find it frightening that the
majority of these took place in California????