TVCJohn
04-04-2008, 03:35 PM
Got this in the mail today. Not sure if it's made the rounds yet. I thought it was pretty funny.
John
The Rules of Rural Michigan are as Follows: Listen up City Slickers!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive a pickup
truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to
get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to
you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it?
I94 goes east and west, US23 goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 corn
pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in rural Michigan waves. We think of it as being
friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in,
we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up
to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread. We fry our fish after
catchin'em. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the
corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday held the 15th of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of
age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you
can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats (includes
fish), vegetables, and breads. We use four spices: salt, pepper, hot
sauce and ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in
Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served
over ice.
14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to
shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers
and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it
spooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Community
Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a
love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they
come for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't
music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see
your boxers. Refer back to #1.
20. 4 inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense
in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and toilet paper from the
grocery stores. This ain't Alaska, worst case you may have to live a
whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have
you out the next day. A true Michigander will send this on!!!
John
The Rules of Rural Michigan are as Follows: Listen up City Slickers!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive a pickup
truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to
get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to
you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it?
I94 goes east and west, US23 goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 corn
pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in rural Michigan waves. We think of it as being
friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in,
we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up
to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread. We fry our fish after
catchin'em. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the
corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday held the 15th of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of
age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you
can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats (includes
fish), vegetables, and breads. We use four spices: salt, pepper, hot
sauce and ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in
Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served
over ice.
14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to
shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers
and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it
spooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Community
Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a
love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they
come for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't
music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see
your boxers. Refer back to #1.
20. 4 inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense
in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and toilet paper from the
grocery stores. This ain't Alaska, worst case you may have to live a
whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have
you out the next day. A true Michigander will send this on!!!