Devastated by impending divorce! Need prayers!

[TheMAIT]

My wife was transferred to Germany for work reasons for a few years. Within 2 months I recieved an email that she was going to be filing for divorce. We had some issues, like all couples, but our relationship had been rebuilding and getting stronger for some time before she left. She has refused to acknowledge changes, all promises, requests for visits, requests for any type of counseling...everything. Shocked, devastated, angry, everything---all at once every minute of the past year. As both strong Catholics----stunned. I have tried and said everything so many different ways---given everything above and beyond what has ever been asked-there is honestly nothing else. I have put this entirely in the hands of God to open her heart at some level.

Please spare a few prayers for a husband that loves his wife of almost 10 years with all his heart and and soul.

[STEINFISHSKI]

Prayers sent. It has to be an extra burden with the thousands of miles between you. I will keep you both in my prayers. Don't beat yourself up too bad, this situation is not in your control and it sounds like you have been doing everything you can.

[TheMAIT]

It probably sounds like crazy talk---but it honestly isn't---I passed the whole stage of denial long ago and have really gotten some honest insight.

I know that if we were still living together...hell, even in the same state, that we would not be in this situation or at least would have gone through counseling. But, geez, I even offered to fly over there every weekend to talk to someone with her if that is what it took-that was how confident I was in us and this marriage. It takes two though---and as much as I am willing to offer-I never will be able to make her accept or even consider.
I guess I have the whole extremely clean conscience thing going for me! yeehaw!:sad:

[Firemedic]

What I am about to say is not going to be easy for you to hear. I went throught THE SAME THING not too long ago. I wanted counseling etc, but she refused. The reason? Her boyfriend. Things she did I wouldn't have expect in a million years, but she did.

My biggest piece of advice, RIGHT NOW is stop all funding to your 457, 401K, etc. Get a lawyer and and talk to them. A consultation is free.
Any credit cards you have, freeze them. Its amazing the ugly things that can be said and done. My thoughts are with you.

[itchn2fish]

Prayers were just sent. At one time, I know that you had thought of seeking work in Germany also so that you could be with her, but I imagine that there was not much need for an attorny (your occupation). I wish you well. Perhaps she will do an about-face.

[tgafish]

What I am about to say is not going to be easy for you to hear. I went throught THE SAME THING not too long ago. I wanted counseling etc, but she refused. The reason? Her boyfriend. Things she did I wouldn't have expect in a million years, but she did.

My biggest piece of advice, RIGHT NOW is stop all funding to your 457, 401K, etc. Get a lawyer and and talk to them. A consultation is free.
Any credit cards you have, freeze them. Its amazing the ugly things that can be said and done. My thoughts are with you.

These are all good bits of advise. I too went through the same thing and was baffled at what takes over a woman when put in this situation. You are doing the best thing you can do with your heart by putting it in god's hands. There is nothing you can do alone to change her. And he is the only one who can change her's if that is his plan.

Live your life to the best of your ability. You being miserable will do nothing to bring her back. Having a clean conscience as you said will help you in getting your life back on track.

My story is different than most because my wife and I did get back together after much forgiveness. Although I am not a highly religous man I have no doubt that it was a higher power that caused this. Our children were the catalyst and then The Lords ability to soothe our anger and give us strength completed the miracle.

[kbkrause]

God bless

[TheMAIT]

Yep that was me trying to figure out any way to get over there. I am an attorney but I was willing to put all of that on the back burner to freaking bag groceries or anything--just to be close enough in Germany to be able to talk or work through things with her if it was an option. In the same town, an hour away, on the other side of the country-it didn't matter-just to not have a 13 hour plane ride apart.

We don't have children-so I think that is fortunate and unfortunate. Again, I think that if we did, there would have been a little more thought and attempt at work on her part for them...but then again, I know the heartache that children go thorugh oftentimes during these situations-and feel fortunate that a child of mine doesn't have to try to understand this situation that completely baffles me.

My prayers for you all as well.

[Erik]

I'm sorry to hear that. I pray you will find peace no matter what happens.

[cadillacjethro]

I'm sorry to hear that. I pray you will find peace no matter what happens.

:yeahthat:
It doesn't matter how much you want it to work if she doesn't. Although you feel like you were kicked in the gut right now, if you keep getting up in the morning things will eventually get better.
Chin up.
Jeff

[Firecracker]

So sorry ..... to hear about this. I will keep BOTH of you in Prayers.

[Firemedic]

A little more food for thought. I went through the toughest time last December when my wife left. My Dad and two uncles were both dying of cancer, my brother just got divorced and my sister and her husband had to move back to Chicago after loosing $450,000 in a real estate fraud transaction. I sat on the couch, drinking and smoking, lost 28 pounds in a month and a half. ANd, the divorce for TWO YEARS cost me over $25,000. And we didn't have any kids! The point? I was at my lowest, and found the girl I was really looking for. She saw through me and knew what I really was, not a drunk piece of crap. I took awhile to get back on track, but I MADE IT. As I look back, my ex was just a trophy wife, or arm candy. Not really the person I was meant to be with.

So basically what I am saying is, the powers above have a way of testing us sometimes. There is never anything thrown at us that we can't handle. Keep you head high, good things WILL come to you. Welcome to this test we call life, I know you have the strength to pass it.;)

[2PawsRiver]

You did your best. Protect yourself financially, place your faith in God and move on.

I will pray for you both.

[justthinking]

That extremely clean conscience thing will go a long way to a happier and healthier life for you farther on down the road. Of all the "wife left me" threads on this board, yours sounded the most rational - so I already have this sense that you'll come out of this on the other end in far better shape than when you came into it.

Giving everything over to God is the best thing to do. Being Omnipotent, Omniscient, and Omnipresent - not much gets by Him. He knows your heart and knows the pain you are feeling. His love and peace will go a long way to healing your heart and mind in the days and weeks to come.

I pray you will draw nearer to Him during this time in your life and come out of it with a testimony you can share with others who are undoubtedly going through this same situation that you unfortunatlely found yourself in.

Lastly, start the process of forgiving her for what she has done to you. That is not condoning what she has done by any means, but accepting what she has done and forgiving her in your heart for it. There is no quicker road to healing than through forgiveness. None.

God bless you during this time in your life. Abide in His love and peace.

[Connor4501]

In my last 3+ years since the unfortunate D-day happened, I have been the route...Very tough to move on when that fact actually happens, the toughest part of it is moving on and letting it go, aside from child support and all, finding the person that accepts you for who you are and what you are will be the blessing...When the time comes, it will happen...

[double trouble]

1) the world won't stop for you
2) she went away for a reason.
3) get back on your feet quickly .
4) she found a boyfriend in Germany . so don't even try to win her back
5) It was over for her before she left.
6)you have a lot of life left in you. enjoy it.
7) there are so many woman out there that would love to be with you
8)Move on with your life. quit stressing the reasons.
9) you WILL get through this
10) good luck

Hey , go to church .plenty of women there.

[Mitchell Ulrich]

Been there as well...here is what you need to hear, as well as DO...

Stop the poor me, crying, denial bull*****! Divest yourself of every last thing of hers in your possession, put a period at the end of that life and move on, NOW!

God did you a huge favor by sending her to a far off, distant, foreign country! God must really love you to have done all that, just for you!! Most of us have to actually DEAL with our former spouses!

It's been MORE than a year! If you don't stop your whining now, you never will. Now pick yourself up, dust yourself off, let it go, and make a real life for yourself!

Mitch

[wickedcarpenter]

Craigslist.com Find a new one that don't need so much water.
Just think....You can Golf as much as You want!

[Ferg]

Please if you would like to offer advice send a pm - so we can keep this to prayer offerings -

Haveing been though a simular situation after 10 years - I'll be praying that this all works out for the best.

ferg....

[xdetroitx]

I will pray and if you like, send me a pm and I will tell you where there are some divorce recovery groups that would be a good means of support. They are at different churchs but they are not denomination specific. It's good to go through struggles with others that can relate. God bless.
Mike

[eddiejohn4]

I wish you the best. I will pray for your mariage.

[fastwife]

I have a friend in a similar situation. My advice to you as it was to him, go to see her and talk face-to-face. Maybe things will change when she sees you. I'm sure you'll know the moment you see her. If they haven't you may at the very least leave with some closure. I wish you the best of luck and my thoughts and prayers are with you.:fish: