smoke73
01-10-2008, 01:02 PM
2007 Darwin Awards
Better than usual!
Yes, it's again that magical time of the year
when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the
least-evolved among us.
And the glorious Winner for 2007 is:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his
intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach,
California , would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down
the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time
it worked.
And now, the Honorable Mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a
finger in a meat- cutting machine and submitted a
claim to his insurance company. The company
expecting negligence sent out one of its men to
have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he
also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a
space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago
returned with his vehicle to find a woman had
taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a
Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental
patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus
stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental
hospital, telling the staff that the patients were
very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. A Texas teenager was in the hospital recovering
from serious head wounds received from an oncoming
train. When asked how he received the injuries, the
lad told police that he was simply trying to see
how close he could get his head to a moving train
before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a
$20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When
the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a
gun and asked for all the cash in the register,
which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the
cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on
the counter. The total amount of cash he got from
the drawer: $15.
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock
through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it
over his head at the window. The cinderblock
bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head,
knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window
was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught
on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York
convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran.
The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman
was able to give them a detailed description of
the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended
the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove
back to the store. The thief was then taken out of
the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To
which he replied, 'Yes, officer, that's her.
That's the lady I stole the purse from.'
9. The Ann Arbor Michigan News crime column reported
that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti,
Michigan , at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order.
When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said
they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.
******THE 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a
motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much
more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the
scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman
said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the
motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the
vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it
was the best laugh he'd had in a very long time.
Better than usual!
Yes, it's again that magical time of the year
when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the
least-evolved among us.
And the glorious Winner for 2007 is:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his
intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach,
California , would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down
the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time
it worked.
And now, the Honorable Mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a
finger in a meat- cutting machine and submitted a
claim to his insurance company. The company
expecting negligence sent out one of its men to
have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he
also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a
space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago
returned with his vehicle to find a woman had
taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a
Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental
patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus
stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental
hospital, telling the staff that the patients were
very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. A Texas teenager was in the hospital recovering
from serious head wounds received from an oncoming
train. When asked how he received the injuries, the
lad told police that he was simply trying to see
how close he could get his head to a moving train
before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a
$20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When
the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a
gun and asked for all the cash in the register,
which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the
cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on
the counter. The total amount of cash he got from
the drawer: $15.
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock
through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it
over his head at the window. The cinderblock
bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head,
knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window
was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught
on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York
convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran.
The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman
was able to give them a detailed description of
the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended
the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove
back to the store. The thief was then taken out of
the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To
which he replied, 'Yes, officer, that's her.
That's the lady I stole the purse from.'
9. The Ann Arbor Michigan News crime column reported
that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti,
Michigan , at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order.
When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said
they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.
******THE 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a
motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much
more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the
scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman
said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the
motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the
vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it
was the best laugh he'd had in a very long time.