Fishndude
09-18-2007, 08:38 PM
So I was at Meijer the other day, buying a large bag of dog food for my dog. While I was in the checkout line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Being the sarcastic jerk I am, I told her, "no,", and that I was starting the Purina diet again; although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital the last time I tried it. But, I went on to explain, I had lost 50 pounds before I woke up in the intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices, and IV's in both arms. Her eyes just about popped out of her head when I said that.
I went on and on with the fabricated diet story, and she was buying it all. I told her that it was an easy inexpensive diet, and the way it works is that you load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets, and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The bag says that the dogfood is nutitionally complete, so I was going to try it again. At this point practically everyone in all of the lines within earshot was listening, and were hanging on my every word.
So this woman, who was obviously horrified by the entire concept, asked me if something in the dogfood had poisoned me, and if that was why I ended up in the hospital. I replied, "oh, no! I'd been sitting in the road licking my ass, when a car came along and hit me."
I wonder if she will ever ask anyone if they own a dog again?
I went on and on with the fabricated diet story, and she was buying it all. I told her that it was an easy inexpensive diet, and the way it works is that you load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets, and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The bag says that the dogfood is nutitionally complete, so I was going to try it again. At this point practically everyone in all of the lines within earshot was listening, and were hanging on my every word.
So this woman, who was obviously horrified by the entire concept, asked me if something in the dogfood had poisoned me, and if that was why I ended up in the hospital. I replied, "oh, no! I'd been sitting in the road licking my ass, when a car came along and hit me."
I wonder if she will ever ask anyone if they own a dog again?