lawnguy
11-12-2006, 12:56 PM
1.
NEWS FLASH: Hang on to any of the new State of Ohio quarters. If you have them, they may be a collector’s item due it’s unique design. The U.S. Treasury Announced today that it is recalling all the Ohio quarters produced at OSU. Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday..."This action is being taken after numerous reports that new Ohio quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones or other coin-operated devices." Shackleford continued on .. "The problem lies in the design of the Ohio quarter, created by a top-notched University of Ohio graduate student. Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."
AND FOR OTHER BREAKING NEWS FROM COLUMBUS ... An Ohio State football player was nearly killed in a horrible horseback riding accident. He was thrown off the horse and almost got trampled. Thank God the K-Mart manager came out and unplugged it.
AND FINALLY TONIGHT, NEWS FROM OHIO STADIUM ... Football practice in Columbus was delayed on Friday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Tressel, immediately suspended practice while the Ohio SBI was called in to investigate. After a long and labored analysis , the Ohio SBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was only lime used to mark the goal line. Practice was resumed when the SBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again. GOOD NIGHT FROM THE BUCKEYE BROADCASTING NETWORK....
2.
In a freak accident involving the Buckeyes mascot, a video camera and a tube of KY Jelly, Jim Tressell died, and went to heaven. When he arrived, St. Peter was waiting for him. He began to show him around the neighborhood, and eventually reached his dwelling. It was a nice log cabin with an OSU flag out front. They continued walking and eventually reached a huge 3 story mansion with tons of U of M decor in the yard and on the house. Tressell gets angry, and looks over at St. Peter.
"Why does Lloyd Carr get a mansion, while I’m stuck in a log cabin? Sure it’s nice, but he gets this? The guy can’t even lead his team to a bowl game victory for Christ sake!" Tressell yells.
St. Peter replies, "Jim, that’s not Lloyd Carr’s house, that’s God’s."
3.
What do you get when you drive slowly thru Columbus, Ohio?
A degree from OSU.
4.
What is the only sign of relief after driving through Columbus?
"Ann Arbor 191 miles"
5.
Why do birds fly upside-down over Columbus?
Cause it ain’t worth a crap.
6.
An Ohio State fan and a Michigan fan are in a car. Whos driving?
.
.
.
the cop.
NEWS FLASH: Hang on to any of the new State of Ohio quarters. If you have them, they may be a collector’s item due it’s unique design. The U.S. Treasury Announced today that it is recalling all the Ohio quarters produced at OSU. Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday..."This action is being taken after numerous reports that new Ohio quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones or other coin-operated devices." Shackleford continued on .. "The problem lies in the design of the Ohio quarter, created by a top-notched University of Ohio graduate student. Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."
AND FOR OTHER BREAKING NEWS FROM COLUMBUS ... An Ohio State football player was nearly killed in a horrible horseback riding accident. He was thrown off the horse and almost got trampled. Thank God the K-Mart manager came out and unplugged it.
AND FINALLY TONIGHT, NEWS FROM OHIO STADIUM ... Football practice in Columbus was delayed on Friday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Tressel, immediately suspended practice while the Ohio SBI was called in to investigate. After a long and labored analysis , the Ohio SBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was only lime used to mark the goal line. Practice was resumed when the SBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again. GOOD NIGHT FROM THE BUCKEYE BROADCASTING NETWORK....
2.
In a freak accident involving the Buckeyes mascot, a video camera and a tube of KY Jelly, Jim Tressell died, and went to heaven. When he arrived, St. Peter was waiting for him. He began to show him around the neighborhood, and eventually reached his dwelling. It was a nice log cabin with an OSU flag out front. They continued walking and eventually reached a huge 3 story mansion with tons of U of M decor in the yard and on the house. Tressell gets angry, and looks over at St. Peter.
"Why does Lloyd Carr get a mansion, while I’m stuck in a log cabin? Sure it’s nice, but he gets this? The guy can’t even lead his team to a bowl game victory for Christ sake!" Tressell yells.
St. Peter replies, "Jim, that’s not Lloyd Carr’s house, that’s God’s."
3.
What do you get when you drive slowly thru Columbus, Ohio?
A degree from OSU.
4.
What is the only sign of relief after driving through Columbus?
"Ann Arbor 191 miles"
5.
Why do birds fly upside-down over Columbus?
Cause it ain’t worth a crap.
6.
An Ohio State fan and a Michigan fan are in a car. Whos driving?
.
.
.
the cop.