eyecatcher
09-05-2006, 11:47 AM
UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS --
Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus
when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along
yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode
up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothes and
said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice;
the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyways."
Understanding Engineers -Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We've been waiting
15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
inept golfers!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper, let's ask him."
He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with the group ahead of us?
They're rather slow aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire
fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do
for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil
engineers?
Mechs build weapons and civs build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with
that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Four engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer, just look at all the
joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous
system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The third said, "It was obviously a chemical engineer, just think
about all the reactions taking place each second in the body."
The last one said, "You're all wrong, it had to have been a civil
engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a
recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out
to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful
princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his
pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me
back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one
week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you
want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it
back into his pocket.
Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with
you? I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll
stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't
you kiss me?"
The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for
a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus
when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along
yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode
up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothes and
said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice;
the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyways."
Understanding Engineers -Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We've been waiting
15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
inept golfers!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper, let's ask him."
He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with the group ahead of us?
They're rather slow aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire
fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do
for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil
engineers?
Mechs build weapons and civs build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with
that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Four engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer, just look at all the
joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous
system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The third said, "It was obviously a chemical engineer, just think
about all the reactions taking place each second in the body."
The last one said, "You're all wrong, it had to have been a civil
engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a
recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out
to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful
princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his
pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me
back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one
week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you
want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it
back into his pocket.
Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with
you? I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll
stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't
you kiss me?"
The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for
a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."