Guiding

[NIstleelie]

I'm not sure really if this is the spot to post this, but I figured I would get some sort of response. Over the past few years, I have been seriously looking into guide training schools. I was just wondering, from any of the current guides, what I should be really looking at. I want to be able to guide for steelhead and salmon for fishing and pretty much any big game hunting. I was also wondering what kind of "interships" (for lack of a better word) there are to get hooked up with different guiding outfits and get a lot of hands on training. In the distant future, I want to own and operate my own guide outfitter, so that is the ultimate goal. Any info would be helpful.

Good luck on the rivers...can't wait to see the steel come charging up.

Tight lines
NI

[Sam22]

I looked into COAGS (Colorado Outdoor Adventure Guide School) once.They have a website. The idea is appealing, but the schools sometimes seem a little more like vacations than learning places. Look skeptically. I got my captain's liscense a while back and I know that alot of riverboat guides have to have them, you could look into that. I think if you were serious, I would try to get a job with a guide service and start that way, bigger places are going to need laki types to assist of bigger trips I assume. Good luck and let me know if you find out anything interesting.

[thousandcasts]

Well, allow me to plug (pardon the pun) my fine academic establishment! The Hutchins Guiding School is exactly what you’re looking for. Yes, for well over 10 years, alumni of The Hutchins Guiding School have been belittling and terrorizing the recreational angler with skilled efficiency. Our curriculum covers everything you need to know in order to be a pompous and hated, self proclaimed deity on whichever river system you claim as your very own! Just check out a few of the many classes offered at The HGS:

· Spot Squatting 101: Why rush a boat-load of clients out on the water at the crack of dawn when you can have any spot in the river all to yourself? In this class, you’ll learn that surly locals will gladly sit on any spot for you in exchange for a 40 ouncer and a pack of Basic Menthols. Imagine the let down that recreational anglers will feel when they race upriver in pre-dawn darkness only to discover your “boy” kicked back in a boat and waiting for you to arrive later on. What fun!

· It’s NOT your responsibility: When a king rules his kingdom, does he go outside and pick up the trash? NO—so why should you? Let others organize and participate in menial tasks like river clean ups, river watches and bank erosion projects. If you don’t like the results of those projects, you can always complain about them later! Besides, projects like those make the lowly recreational anglers feel important, like they have some sort of ownership stake in YOUR river. Why encourage it?

· The DNR Sucks! Advanced Principles of Debate: For whatever reason, the DNR still has this nasty habit of using science and sound management concepts to make decisions that concern your watershed. To make matters worse, they’ll even consult the opinion of those annoying recreational anglers and bypass the one all knowing, all skillful entity who knows what’s best for that particular resource: YOU! In this course, you’ll learn that blasting the DNR is a mandatory course of action if you want to do what’s best for your resource. When the fishing is good, you’ll learn to recognize that the DNR isn’t doing enough to protect “wild fish,” when fishing is slow, you’ll need to lobby for more planted hatchery fish! There are no public meetings or creel census required—you have all the answers! What you can do to make the DNR realize that is just one of the many benefits you’ll get from this required course.

· Understanding the Recreational Angler: Well, for one, there’s nothing to understand other than the fact that all recreational anglers are unskilled hacks who know nothing about the fishery or varied techniques required to be as successful as you. While the recreational angler manages to luck their way into hooking the occasional dumb fish, you skillfully weave a deadly piscatorial fantasy for your clients. The differences between your SKILL and their dumb LUCK are explained clearly in this course.

· The Aggressive River Salmon—Tips and advice for dealing with curious clients: Clients can ask a lot of questions and it’s your job as the guide to provide answers! While there is no such thing as a dumb question, there is such a thing as a dumb answer. When a client inevitabley asks why a salmon is hooked in the tail, we’ll teach you to keep a straight face and say, “River salmon are very aggressive. One of their tactics is to stun their prey with their tail. This salmon here was trying to stun that black whooly bugger and inadvertently hooked itself in the process!” Be sure to take lots of photos for good measure; since a smiling client is all the advertisement you’ll need when pimping out your river to the outdoor media!

Fishing on Gravel--It's only OK if YOU are the one doing it: Well, wouldn't you know it? Your spot squatter got all boozed up and passed out in the parking lot of the Oak Grove Tavern in Irons. Much to your dismay, you pull up to that hallowed gravel bar where he's supposed to be squatting and you're horrified to find several bankies flogging the water! This course will teach you advanced writing techniques so that you can skillfully put together dissertations on the evils of gravel fishing. Also included are media contacts so that you can spread the good word and continually show those bankies that they were out of line in fishing to your fish!

These are but a few of the many courses offered at the Hutchins Guiding School. In addition, you’ll learn that your expensive Forest Service launch permit is just as good as a deed to the river. You’ll learn that boating etiquette doesn’t have to include you and most of all; you’ll learn that the Internet isn’t just for downloading porn anymore!

One of our most esteemed graduates, Frederick Palmreel (aka Flingin’ Freddie) was featured in a book entitled, The Fish of a Thousand Casts, and one of his disciples is featured in the upcoming novel, “What a Rotten Little Kid!”

Why be a levelheaded guide that actually gives something back to the resource (i.e.: Steve Fraley and the BBT gang) when you can exploit it instead? The Hutchins Guiding School will teach you everything you know!

[ZobZob]

Where do I sign up? I quit smoking so can I get two 40's to squat???

Zob

Well, allow me to plug (pardon the pun) my fine academic establishment! The Hutchins Guiding School is exactly what you’re looking for. Yes, for well over 10 years, alumni of The Hutchins Guiding School have been belittling and terrorizing the recreational angler with skilled efficiency. Our curriculum covers everything you need to know in order to be a pompous and hated, self proclaimed deity on whichever river system you claim as your very own! Just check out a few of the many classes offered at The HGS:

· Spot Squatting 101: Why rush a boat-load of clients out on the water at the crack of dawn when you can have any spot in the river all to yourself? In this class, you’ll learn that surly locals will gladly sit on any spot for you in exchange for a 40 ouncer and a pack of Basic Menthols. Imagine the let down that recreational anglers will feel when they race upriver in pre-dawn darkness only to discover your “boy” kicked back in a boat and waiting for you to arrive later on. What fun!

· It’s NOT your responsibility: When a king rules his kingdom, does he go outside and pick up the trash? NO—so why should you? Let others organize and participate in menial tasks like river clean ups, river watches and bank erosion projects. If you don’t like the results of those projects, you can always complain about them later! Besides, projects like those make the lowly recreational anglers feel important, like they have some sort of ownership stake in YOUR river. Why encourage it?

· The DNR Sucks! Advanced Principles of Debate: For whatever reason, the DNR still has this nasty habit of using science and sound management concepts to make decisions that concern your watershed. To make matters worse, they’ll even consult the opinion of those annoying recreational anglers and bypass the one all knowing, all skillful entity who knows what’s best for that particular resource: YOU! In this course, you’ll learn that blasting the DNR is a mandatory course of action if you want to do what’s best for your resource. When the fishing is good, you’ll learn to recognize that the DNR isn’t doing enough to protect “wild fish,” when fishing is slow, you’ll need to lobby for more planted hatchery fish! There are no public meetings or creel census required—you have all the answers! What you can do to make the DNR realize that is just one of the many benefits you’ll get from this required course.

· Understanding the Recreational Angler: Well, for one, there’s nothing to understand other than the fact that all recreational anglers are unskilled hacks who know nothing about the fishery or varied techniques required to be as successful as you. While the recreational angler manages to luck their way into hooking the occasional dumb fish, you skillfully weave a deadly piscatorial fantasy for your clients. The differences between your SKILL and their dumb LUCK are explained clearly in this course.

· The Aggressive River Salmon—Tips and advice for dealing with curious clients: Clients can ask a lot of questions and it’s your job as the guide to provide answers! While there is no such thing as a dumb question, there is such a thing as a dumb answer. When a client inevitabley asks why a salmon is hooked in the tail, we’ll teach you to keep a straight face and say, “River salmon are very aggressive. One of their tactics is to stun their prey with their tail. This salmon here was trying to stun that black whooly bugger and inadvertently hooked itself in the process!” Be sure to take lots of photos for good measure; since a smiling client is all the advertisement you’ll need when pimping out your river to the outdoor media!

Fishing on Gravel--It's only OK if YOU are the one doing it: Well, wouldn't you know it? Your spot squatter got all boozed up and passed out in the parking lot of the Oak Grove Tavern in Irons. Much to your dismay, you pull up to that hallowed gravel bar where he's supposed to be squatting and you're horrified to find several bankies flogging the water! This course will teach you advanced writing techniques so that you can skillfully put together dissertations on the evils of gravel fishing. Also included are media contacts so that you can spread the good word and continually show those bankies that they were out of line in fishing to your fish!

These are but a few of the many courses offered at the Hutchins Guiding School. In addition, you’ll learn that your expensive Forest Service launch permit is just as good as a deed to the river. You’ll learn that boating etiquette doesn’t have to include you and most of all; you’ll learn that the Internet isn’t just for downloading porn anymore!

One of our most esteemed graduates, Frederick Palmreel (aka Flingin’ Freddie) was featured in a book entitled, The Fish of a Thousand Casts, and one of his disciples is featured in the upcoming novel, “What a Rotten Little Kid!”

Why be a levelheaded guide that actually gives something back to the resource (i.e.: Steve Fraley and the BBT gang) when you can exploit it instead? The Hutchins Guiding School will teach you everything you know!

[Hex4steel]

That's one of the funniest things I've read on MS in awhile.....thanks.

[Steelhead Addict]

Ya that was pretty funny. I can't image the amount of time it took to write that post. its sad but we've seen all of this bad behavior. However, I would say that a majority guides that are "full time" and survive for the long haul don't share these qualities. Of course there are always exceptions that stick out.

[Sam22]

Yeah, fun:lol: :lol: ny.. and he makes good points.

[Steelheadfred]

Dont forget these classes also Steve:

Log Cutting 223: Learn how to remove all wood from the river. After all flies are expensive and even though your clients are paying for them at 200% mark up, you still have to tie em. So cut out all wood that may get them hung up. Also that Tree across the river below the Green Cabin - How am I suppossed to make a living off a state resource with that drift boat stopping dam?

Hook Removal 336: Learn to turn your back to the client while removing the hook from the fish's belly - when they ask what the hole in the belly is from make sure you say "he ran into a stick on the bottom during the fight."

Head Shakers 221: When asked by other bank maggots up and down the river "doing any good?" make sure your constantly saying "lots of head shakers today." I always respond by - well why wouldnt they be hooked in the mouth?

Chumming 522: This is an advanced class - topics covered, raping of spawning chinooks, the sling shot or the hand toss, which works best.

Dont forget, I believe Steve will be offering a Masters Degree soon. I think he said some thing about Topic's such as "Web Site Design," "Taxes- do you really need to pay them.?" "Beer, what works when the fish are not biting."

[WILDCATWICK]

Just saw something on Television about guiding school. Looked pretty interesting. They learned entomolgy, area history (for shooting the breeze), every know until proficient, advance casting, reading the water, and finally catching and landing. Then once they learn it they spend the rest of the time teaching it with newbies or mock newbies.

I think the thing that caught my eye is the people who took the school seriously and didn't party every night, wound up getting great recomendations and got good guiding jobs out west with in a very short time. One of the outfitters stated that they now only hire guides that graduate from a school because they know the person they will be getting will enhance their bussiness.

[TSS Caddis]

Where do I sign up? I quit smoking so can I get two 40's to squat???

Zob

Either that or you could probably get Hutchin's to do it for 2 packs of smokes and an Iron Maiden 8 track.

[brookid]

Maiden Rules!!!

[TSS Caddis]

Fritz, also don't forget:

FISH FIGHTING 316 - The art of keeping a foul hooked fish underwater until you are away from prying eyes.

PICTURE TAKING 317 - Dives into the art of taking as long as possible to take pictures. In this class you'll learn how to fight a fish to exhaustion, followed by 5 minutes of flopping around the bottom of the boat and climaxed by a ginger release of the fish back to the river.

I think Steve is also adding some 600 level classes:

SPONSOR MARKETING 610 - Teaches the art of advanced boat decal application. Learn how to properly apply as many stickers to your boat and truck as feasibly possible. If fishing the Muskegon, 1 credit hour can be added to this course to cover the proper design and application of a "scarey face" to the front of your power drifter.

[Steelheadfred]

TSS

I ran into a guy on my home river this weekend. Had all the stickers, cocky as hell. I said how did you do "I hooked some fish down there, but then again I could hook fish in a glass." I fish this river like 70 days a year for steelhead, I think I saw him once before but not sure. That is ballsy but he fit your bill.

So also add:

I can out fish you any day 768: "I can fish you under the table." "Hell I can catch them out of a glass" "the art of lying for your ego"