Backwoods-Savage
02-05-2006, 03:02 PM
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Exceptions prove the rule ... and wreck the budget.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
Quality assurance doesn’t.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.
If something is confidential, it will be left in the copier machine.
A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs or tomatoes.
When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take two weeks to clear. When there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight.
The book you spent $20.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow.
The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.
You never want the one you can afford.
If it says, “one size fits all,” it doesn’t fit anyone.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
Love letters, business contracts and money due you always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.
When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby, while all other coins will roll out of sight.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
Interchangeable parts won’t.
No matter which way you go, it’s uphill and against the wind.
If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.
Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence.
No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A free agent is anything but.
The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
The one item you want is never the one on sale.
The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your keys.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Exceptions prove the rule ... and wreck the budget.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
Quality assurance doesn’t.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.
If something is confidential, it will be left in the copier machine.
A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs or tomatoes.
When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take two weeks to clear. When there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight.
The book you spent $20.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow.
The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.
You never want the one you can afford.
If it says, “one size fits all,” it doesn’t fit anyone.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
Love letters, business contracts and money due you always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.
When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby, while all other coins will roll out of sight.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
Interchangeable parts won’t.
No matter which way you go, it’s uphill and against the wind.
If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.
Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence.
No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A free agent is anything but.
The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
The one item you want is never the one on sale.
The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your keys.