Chuck Norris Facts [Archive] - The Michigan Sportsman Forums

severus

01-30-2006, 04:55 PM

Chuck Norris Facts (http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/index.html)

What a guy. :p

bulltrout

01-30-2006, 05:58 PM

That is quite possibly the greatest thing I have ever read.:lol: I seriously have to use some of those lines with my friends. Those T-Shirts are funny too.

GVSUKUSH

01-30-2006, 06:00 PM

Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.

waggleduck

01-30-2006, 06:16 PM

The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

:lol: That was hilarious.

dtg

01-30-2006, 06:29 PM

Now that's gotta be the craziest, funniest thing I've seen this year. Chuck Norris is 1/8 Cherokee, not in ancestory, He ate a Freaken Cherokee Indian

MEL

01-30-2006, 06:33 PM

Sooo why is he making all those cheezy infomercials???

LittleMan

01-30-2006, 07:47 PM

Chuck Norris does not go hunting because the word "hunt" implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

:lol:

severus

01-30-2006, 07:56 PM

Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' a**. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.

Rupestris

01-30-2006, 08:03 PM

OMG!
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
:lol: :D :lol: PYP-funny!

rocketmike

01-30-2006, 08:12 PM

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

:p

rocketmike

01-30-2006, 08:43 PM

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

DAM!! ALMOST SPILLED MY BEER, HEHE!!

wyle_e_coyote

01-30-2006, 08:49 PM

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

I hate when that happens...:lol:

labdog99

01-30-2006, 11:10 PM

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it isn't because he's gay, it's because he's run out of women.

waterfoul

01-31-2006, 09:51 AM

My favorite so far (I'm not done reading yet!)

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

I like this one too:

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Or:

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Creek-Chub

01-31-2006, 10:01 AM

Oh man, this stuff is great. I tend to follow some of the funny/stupid joke and picture web sites (collegehumor, break, etc.). This whole Chuck Norris thing cracks me up. My favorite thus far:

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Banditto

01-31-2006, 10:22 AM

I am 99% sure you guys don't get the inside joke and where this originated. Chuck Norris is a legend among people that play this game called World of Warcraft. Don't ask me why, and why I know that.

But on Chucks website he went on to add a dialog acknowledging the fact of the phenomenon.

GVSUKUSH

01-31-2006, 10:28 AM

Personally, I love it when Conan O'Brian hit's the "Walker Texas Ranger" lever and a clip of Chuck plays:lol:

http://www.videovat.com/videos/967/walker-texas-aids-obrien.aspx

http://gorillamask.net/conanwalker2.shtml

Sib

01-31-2006, 11:25 AM

That link is a gem. A couple favorites:

After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.

Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

tommytubular

01-31-2006, 11:42 AM

Sooo why is he making all those cheezy infomercials???

Two words Mel.......Christie Brinkly

OK three words......Money

shady oaks

01-31-2006, 02:47 PM

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

i was trying to eat when i first started reading this. needless to say, the milk came out the nose, literally!!!!!!

LilyDuck

01-31-2006, 11:58 PM

Family site SHADY!!!!;)

Fishfoote

02-01-2006, 12:51 PM

Pretty funny, but sad that there's that much thought process expended on Chuck Norris:dizzy:

schopie4

02-01-2006, 10:06 PM

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever beat a brick wall at tennis:)

shady oaks

02-02-2006, 01:24 AM

Pretty funny, but sad that there's that much thought process expended on Chuck Norris:dizzy:

think thats bad, go to collegehumor.com and see what they have. under pictures, type in chuck norris and you're off.

waterfoul

02-02-2006, 09:17 AM

think thats bad, go to collegehumor.com and see what they have. under pictures, type in chuck norris and you're off.

Don't try to go to that site if you're work has a good firewall.... man I'm gonna get fired yet.

Access denied due to: Streaming nudity, profanity, dirty humor, pornography.

fishindude

02-03-2006, 08:52 PM

For about the past 3 weeks, Chuck Norris has basically ruled my high school. Here are some of the best ones i found

1. If Chuck Norris ever fell our of a boat, he wouldn't get wet, water would get Chuck Norris. This will never happen because Chuck Norris can fly.

2. When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he broke into a convent and inpregnated all the nuns. 9 months later, the '72 dolphins were born.

3. Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. To bad Chuck never cries.

fishindude

02-03-2006, 09:02 PM

Heres a few more:

the cheif export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris can eat just one LAY's potato chip

Chuck Norris isn't lactose intolerant, rather he just doesn't put up woth lactose's crap

Chuck Norris has never farted, scientist fear that if he doesn it will be the end of mankind

When the Boogyman goes to bed at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris

Who Came first the chicken or the egg? Chuck Norris

and:

Chuck Norris played russian roullette with a loaded gun, and won.

RichP

01-23-2009, 12:18 PM

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He passes out after two wine coolers.

Chuck Norris looked in the mirror. When he saw how gay he looked, he roundhouse kicked himself in the face.

Chuck Norris once tried to eat a 72 oz steak in an hour, but filled up on a house salad then threw up.

Chuck Norris always buys the Double Gulp at 7-11 even though he knows he can't finish it.

MEL

01-23-2009, 12:35 PM

RichP

01-23-2009, 12:39 PM

Chuck Norris's friends call him Bull. Not because he's tough, it's because he likes to have sex with cows on the weekends.

MEL

01-23-2009, 12:43 PM

Chuck Norris's friends call him Bull. Not because he's tough, it's because he likes to have sex with cows on the weekends.

Oh Ya??? Well Chuck Norris has sex with cows on the weekends because he's already had sex with all the women in the world during week days!!!

RichP

01-23-2009, 12:47 PM

MEL

01-23-2009, 12:51 PM

A shepherd once accidentally spilled his coffee on Chuck Norris' lap and refused to apologize. Chuck Norris went to the man's field and had sex with every one of his sheep. Chuck Norris wasn't trying to get back at him; he just loves to have sex with sheep.

Oh Ya??? Well you got your facts wrong!!! Chuck Norris ATE the Shepherds sheep cause he spilled the coffee on Chuck Norris. That was AFTER Chuck had sex with all the sheep cause he already had sex with all the women and cows in the world!!!

RichP

01-23-2009, 01:00 PM

During his first night at college, Chuck Norris drank a beer and puked all over himself. Thus, the phrase "chucking" was born.

MEL

01-23-2009, 01:08 PM

During his first night at college, Chuck Norris drank a beer and puked all over himself. Thus, the phrase "chucking" was born.

Oh Ya??? Well see i know thats wrong cause Chuck Norris can drink all the beer in the world and not get drunk, the world gets Chuck Norrised!!!

RichP

01-23-2009, 01:25 PM

Chuck Norris has 2 speeds. Hard and harder. He uses these when making love to other men.

tgafish

01-23-2009, 01:33 PM

My wife bought me the book for Christmas. Ton's of laughs.

My favorite is:
Chuck Norris needs a concealed weapons permit in each state just to wear pants.

fishenrg

01-23-2009, 01:42 PM

You guys are killing me.:lol: I have my 3 month old daughter sleeping on my lap and I'm shaking so hard laughing I'm surprised she hasn't woken up.

MEL

01-23-2009, 02:02 PM

Chuck Norris has 2 speeds. Hard and harder. He uses these when making love to other men.

OhYa??? Well Chuck Norris only has sex with men cause he's had sex with all the women, cows, sheep, goats,pigs and the Virgin Islands (er ah, i mean The Islands)

fishenrg

01-23-2009, 02:46 PM

go to google

type in:
google chuck norris

click "I'm feeling lucky"

I wish I wouldn't have seen this thread. I'm a chuck norris addict now!

RichP

01-23-2009, 02:51 PM

...And on the third day God said, "Let there be light." Because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark.

Nascar31Fan

01-23-2009, 03:05 PM

...And on the third day God said, "Let there be light." Because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark.

No! The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris!

RichP

01-23-2009, 03:12 PM

When Chuck Norris goes to a BBQ joint, he orders a side salad with low-fat dressing.

fishenrg

01-23-2009, 03:14 PM

http://www.ratemyeverything.net/image/11402/0/Chuck_Norris.ashx

http://www.factpile.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/chucknorris.jpg

addicted2

01-30-2009, 01:48 PM

chuck norris is the only guy that can punch u in the back of your face . when chuck norris gives u the bird, he's not flipping u off, he's telling you you got 1 second to live.
chuck norris is the only guy that can make a women orgasim by pointing his finger and saying " booyaa"!